monkeyplus1

Statistics, not made up, but not academically qualified either. With respect of all HIPAA rules, no individuals are identified by my research here, I just went looking for trends and pointless statistics.People who have accidents, are mostly female:

However, people who have accidents involving guns are largely male. Not really surprising, is it?

TOP AREAS OF THE BODY FOR GUNSHOT WOUNDS:

1. Not Specified

2. Leg / Foot

3. Chest / Abdomen

4. Head / Neck

5. Hand / Arm

6. Back

7. Eye

8. Buttocks

Almost three-quarters of those with suicidal tendencies are female:

People with sexual dysfunction, male & female, by age:

For men, the most common dysfunction is erectile. They can’t get a boner. For women, it’s a disinterest in sex and/or anorgasmia, the inability to have an orgasm during intercourse.Now people do wacky things, like show up at the hospital with foreign objects needing to be removed from their bodies. This is actually super common.I would have guessed the pooper as the number one spot, but it’s actually at the bottom of the list, forgive my pun. And before you have naughty thoughts, the foreign objects in the vagina are most often an irretrievable tampon, not some Hello Kitty toy.

TOP PLACES FOR A FOREIGN OBJECT IN THE BODY

TOP AGE GROUPS TO NEED FOREIGN OBJECTS REMOVED FROM THEIR BODY(20 year olds and 60 year olds… ewwww)

TOP MEDICAL ISSUES INVOLVING A VAGINA

1. Childbirth

2. Hysterectomy

3. Prolapse (this one’s weird, but the vagina and/or the ovaries can actually turn inside-out and fall out of the body, hanging below it…more common in women past 50)

4. Yeast Infection

5. Other

6. Bleeding

7. Discharge

8. Repair (often after prolapse or childbirth)

9. Growth (vaginas can grow things besides babies…like teeth and hair…no kidding)

10. Lesion

11. Itch

12. Atrophy

13. Hernia Intestine Into Vagina (the poo-hole can rupture into the baby-hole)

14. Foreign Body (most commonly a lost tampon, but other unspecified things find their way into vaginas)

15. Lichenification (hard, scaly tissue)

16. Warts

17. Pain During Sex

18. Herpes

19. Hematoma

TOP MEDICAL ISSUES INVOLVING THE ANUS

1. Fissure (a tear in the anus)

2. Bleeding

3. Other (oh, there’s quite a few)

4. Fistula (an opening between the anus/rectum and the skin)

5. Polyp

6. Pain

7. Itching

8. Abscess

9. Warts

10. Colectomy (having part of the anus/colon removed)

11. Resection (not too different than colectomy?)

12. Fecal Incontinence (pooping yourself)

13. Herpes (of the pooper)

14. Inflammation

15. Foreign Object (how’d THAT get up there, I wonder?)

TOP MEDICAL CONDITIONS INVOLVING THE PENIS

 

I’ve excluded erectile dysfunction, it would have overshadowed all the rest by far. Peyronie’s Disease means a bent penis. In some cases, it’s related to scar tissue formed as a complication related to diabetes. Candida is another name for yeast. Micropenis… well, that’s easy to figure out. Shrinking seems most often related to a side effect of some medication.Top Abused Drugs(I have a few graphs of these, taking the top few off each time so the numbers of the remaining are more apparent)

excluding Alcohol, tobacco:

excluding Alcohol, tobacco, marijuana:

Excluding alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, and meth:

Excluding alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, meth, and heroin:

while on the subject, since Marijuana is extremely prevalent here in Oregon, marijuana users by age (looks like it peaks at 30 years of age):

Obesity, male vs. female:

 Obesity by age.

 Psychiatric issues, by age:

 Schizophrenics, by age:

Anorexia by age

 Anorexia by gender

Anxiety by age

Anxiety by gender (why so anxious, ladies?)

Incontinence by Age (this is both urinary and fecal incontinence, meaning pissing or shitting oneself)

Incontinence by gender:

Types of incontinence:

Old age is a bitch.

I’ll sign off with that lovely thought.

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this is a history, in aerial photographs, of where I live.  The curious thing, my house is not in any of these.
2002

2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

I hope it shows up in the 2008 map.

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forgot i speared a certain brit knee for my daughter’s mp3 player a while back (yeah, kind of a mean joke, but still cracks me up)

“oops, I supatrigga’d again…”

“hit her, baby, many t-t-t-times”

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I bought a small, 4-cup deep fryer, since I’d wanted to make home-made fried tofu.

I dropped slices of tofu that I’d previously frozen and thawed (to give it that spongy texture).  Standing closer than I should have been, I have tiny little burns on my arms.

The tofu came out great. Some recipes suggest boiling the fried tofu to remove the oil, but I’ll try that next time.

While the fryer was still going, I decided to try some seitan fajitas I had marinating in the fridge (seitan, sliced onion, bragg’s, lemon juice, mexican seasoning).  It only took about 20-30 seconds, I pulled them out and set them on a paper towel to dry.

DELICIOUS!

so… I start ransacking my fridge, thinking “What else can I fry?”

I toss a couple cloves of garlic.  Not great, not bad.

I toss a few baby-carrots. Lots of sizzle, not that good. Dropped a couple more in flour & water batter.  A little better.

Running out of things in the fridge that look fry-able, I went to the panty.

Hm… dried apple slices? Why not.

Surprisingly, they came out fairly tasty, though I won’t try it again. The heat caramelized the sugars in the apple giving them an unusually sweet taste. Since I’d had onion and garlic fried before, that apples took on a little of their flavor.   Kind of weird.

I spooned some batter into the fryer.

All these crispy things formed, didn’t really taste like much.

My wife had chocolate on the counter. Since she wasn’t around to supervise me, I dropped some in there.  That was a mistake. Instead of frying, it dissolved into a big gooey mess, prompting me to cut the power and later toss the oil.

It was fun, messy, and probably unhealthy, but at least the tofu was a hit with the green-curry I cooked up later.

ah… the clean-up

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I read this morning in the news that 3 people were burned at Austin Hot Springs, about 40 miles Southeast of Estacada, Oregon. The water there can apparently get up to 190°F.

About five years ago, I took my kids tent-camping in this area. It was less than an hour from Portland, up in the cascade mountains. My daughter was about 2, my son was about 5 at the time.

The river water is ice-cold and very fast, perhaps it’s snow-melt. We set up camp by a bend in the river that had a small lagoon that was perfect for wading. The water is so cold, it’s an instant-ache in your bones as soon as you set foot in.

My son and I actually got in up to chests, and dunked our heads under the water. After about 5 minutes, our lips and fingernail beds turned blue, so we warmed back up on the rocks under 95°F sunshine.

I take a big book of topographic maps of Oregon whenever we go camping. Not only do I love the level of detail, but they also show little things that are not marked on a normal map, including Austin Hot Springs.

The next morning, we drove out there, and found it only by driving with one eye on the odometer, having carefully counted the mileage on the topographic map.  There’s no signage, no parking, and except for a flash of color from someone’s towel, it would be very easy to drive by without knowing it’s even there.

We parked off the road. Walking up, we could see a group of people, and realized the hot-springs lay on the other side of the icy river. To get there, we had to carefully walk on a fallen tree trunk that crossed the river.

Before crossing, I told my son that if he started to lose his balance, to drop immediately on his butt and straddle the log with a leg on each side.  Then I had him practice on another fallen log on the ground, just to make sure he’d be able to do it.

Then, I had him very slowly go in front of me, and carried my daughter piggy-back.

After the heart-pounding crossing, we walked over to the hot-springs. Apparently, the people were a large family of Russian immigrants, from very young to very old. I’ve noticed young Russian women are often strikingly beautiful.  Middle-aged and older Russian women are often strikingly big-boned and bear-like. I’ve yet to see evidence of the transition - my guess is it happens immediately after marriage.

The hot-springs right next to the river, with river rocks having been set up to separate them and create a little pool, with gaps for letting in cold river water to help cool down the water. Some old carpets were at the bottom of the pool.

When I stepped in, I realized the carpets were there to keep you from burning your feet on the heated rocks. I immediately felt like I was cooking, and quickly opened a gap to let cold river water in.

Here is the problem - super-heated water, and super-cold water simply don’t mix, they’re two very separate layers.

Part of your body will be completely freezing, the other part scalding.

In Dante Alighieri’s “Inferno”, when he makes it to the bottom of hell, he finds Satan.  Half of his body is frozen in a lake of ice, and half of his body is set afire, living in a state of simultaneous extremes.

That’s what this felt like.  It was too hot for my kids, and too hot/cold to enjoy.  We left after about 10 minutes, noticing the stout Russians didn’t seem to mind the water.

The article says this place is private property and has been fenced off for a while. I had thought it was either in the national forest, or it was BLM land, but perhaps it belongs to a timber company. These three were apparently trespassing.

It’s probably lucky for them that Portland is only about an hour and a half away.

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